"You're On Your Own, Kid": Living A Life of Authenticity

Self-discovery is more than just understanding who you are; it’s about learning to live in alignment with your own values in order to be true to yourself.

In a world that constantly pressures you to conform to others' expectations, Taylor Swift’s song “You’re On Your Own, Kid” from her *Midnights* album is a call to action to be true to yourself as the first step in living an authentic life.

This is part of a series that uses the lyrics of Taylor Swift as a guide for some of life's messiest moments. One of the beautiful aspects of art is that you can interpret it to find a variety of meanings depending on where you are in your life.

From a young age, you’re often taught to meet the expectations of others, whether that's your parents, teachers, friends, or society at large. These expectations can shape your choices, influencing how you show up in and engage with the world.

Self-discovery begins with peeling back the layers of who you’ve been told to be and finding the core of who you really are. Your values are the guiding principles that reflect your beliefs, priorities, and what you stand for and they may or may not mirror the values of those around you.

"I looked around in a blood-soaked gown

And I saw something they can’t take away

‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned

Everything you lose is a step you take"

Even if you have the same values as others, in practice they may be different for you than for someone else because your experiences, feelings, and sense of self in the world has shaped them to be uniquely yours. Here's an exercise that can help you identify your core values:

Step 1: Reflect on a peak experience

- Think about a moment in your life when you felt really fulfilled, proud, or at peace. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made this experience meaningful to you?

- Write down the key elements of that experience. What values were being honored in that moment (e.g. connection, creativity, integrity)?

Step 2: Consider what triggers you

- Reflect on situations where you felt upset, frustrated, or disappointed. What was happening? What was being violated?

- Identify the values that were compromised or disregarded in those moments (e.g. respect, fairness, honesty).

Step 3: Identify recurring themes

- Review the experiences from Steps 1 and 2. Are there any recurring themes or values that show up in both your peak experiences and your triggers?

- Make a list of these values, because they probably represent what’s most important to you.

Step 4: Prioritize your values

- From your list, choose the top 3 values that resonate the most with you. These are your current core values (yes, they can evolve over time!).

- Consider how these values show up in your daily life and whether there are areas where you could align your actions more closely with them.

Step 5: Set an intention

- Choose one core value to focus on for the next week. How can you honor this value in small ways through your daily decisions and interactions?

- Reflect at the end of the week on how living according to this value has impacted your sense of fulfillment and authenticity.

Living your values is about building on that momentum, going from those small daily steps and growing into large life decisions. Whether it’s choosing a career that aligns with your passions, making decisions that prioritize your well-being, or setting boundaries in relationships, living in alignment with your values often requires the courage to believe in yourself when the world around you pushes back.

"So make the friendship bracelets

Take the moment and taste it

You've got no reason to be afraid

You're on your own, kid

Yeah, you can face this" And yes, it can feel scary to be unapologetically yourself, especially in this world of divisive, opinionated rhetoric, with so many emboldened by the internet's anonymity to make blood sport out of bullying others. Living authentically isn't easy, but it is deeply rewarding and can help you become more resilient in the face of challenges knowing that your decisions are rooted in what truly matters to you.

“You’re On Your Own, Kid” is a celebration of self-discovery and authenticity. It’s a call to embrace who you are, to trust that your values are worth defending, and to live a life that reflects your true self.

What values are most important to you? How can you live more authentically in alignment with those values? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let’s support each other in the journey toward living an authentic life.

Lyrics by Taylor Swift. “You're on Your Own, Kid.” Midnights, Republic Records, 2022.

Friday Journaling Reflection Prompt August 30, 2024

Here's this week's Friday journal reflection prompt:

Reflect on a time when fear held you back from making a decision. What were you afraid of, and how did that fear influence your choice? Now, think about a decision you’re facing today. How can you reframe your fear and take a small, brave step forward? What possibilities might unfold if you choose to embrace the unknown?

Journaling prompts can help you set aside dedicated time in your routine for reflection. If Fridays don't work for you, save it for a different day, depending on your preference and availability.

Not sure how to get started with a journaling prompt?

First, find a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus without distractions. Approach your journaling with honesty and authenticity. Be open to acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses. By embracing vulnerability, it can lead to significant growth and development.

Want to take it a step further? Based on your reflections, identify areas for improvement and set actionable goals for growth. These goals should enable you to track your progress over time. Periodically review past journal entries to track your growth and identify recurring patterns or themes. Reflecting on your progress allows you to celebrate successes and learn from challenges.

Reflective journaling can be a powerful tool for self-improvement and skill development. Come along on this journey and share your thoughts below!

Overcoming Your Inner Critic and Anti-hero

You know that voice inside your head, the one that expresses doubts, points out flaws, and makes you question your worth?

That’s your inner critic and it's the internalization of negative thoughts and beliefs, based on your past experiences, societal pressures, and sometimes even your own high standards. It’s the voice that tells you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or that you don't deserve success.

"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero"

Taylor Swift, "Anti-Hero" Courtesy Photo

This is part of a series that uses the lyrics of Taylor Swift to guide you through some of life's messiest moments. One of the beautiful aspects of art is that you interpret it to find a variety of meanings depending on where you are in your life.

In “Anti-Hero,” Taylor explores the feeling of being at odds with yourself, of hearing the relentless voice of your inner critic, and feeling like your worst enemy.

When the inner critic is in full force, it can lead to self-sabotage. This might manifest as procrastination, avoiding opportunities, or downplaying your achievements. You might find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, where every mistake is blown out of proportion and every success undermined.

This self-sabotage can prevent you from taking risks, trying new things, or putting yourself out there in meaningful ways. Over time, it can even erode your self-esteem and keep you from living authentically.

So how do you break the cycle and overcome your inner critic? Here are a few strategies to help you start:

1. Recognition: The first step in confronting your inner critic is to recognize when it’s speaking. Pay attention to the negative thoughts that arise throughout your day. Notice the language it uses and how it makes you feel. Simply being aware of this voice is a powerful step toward disarming it.

2. Questioning: Once you’ve identified the inner critic’s voice, start questioning its validity. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” “What evidence do I have to support this thought?” Often, you’ll find that these negative beliefs are based on assumptions or outdated narratives that no longer serve you.

3. Reframing: Instead of letting the inner critic dictate your thoughts, reframe the narrative. For example, if your inner critic tells you, “You’re not good enough,” counter it with, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Replace negative self-talk with affirmations that reflect your true worth and capabilities.

4. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. When you make a mistake or fall short of your expectations, practice self-compassion.

5. Support: Sometimes, confronting your inner critic can feel overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to seek support from a coach, therapist, or trusted friend who can help you gain perspective and challenge these negative beliefs.

Confronting your inner critic doesn’t mean silencing it completely, but rather finding a balance. You can acknowledge your flaws and imperfections while also recognizing your strengths and achievements. Everyone has moments of self-doubt, but these moments don’t need to define you.

Embrace your complexity and imperfections as part of what makes you uniquely you. Remember, being your own hero isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up for yourself, flaws and all, and continuing to move forward.

What steps will you take today to quiet your inner critic and become your own hero?

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